Friday, June 3, 2016

Birthdays Are A Blessing!


 
I am slightly nervous as I begin this post, I’m not sure why. Post birthday feelings, or shall I say the "Birthday Blues,” a feeling I’ve managed to create and overwhelm myself with these past few days, as I hesitantly stride into another year. 


THREE.ONE. 31.
 
I mean, at the end of the day it’s just a number. So why am I getting so worked up?!? I get a little crazed around birthdays. I’m not sure what it is, okay that’s a lie, it’s that GIGANTIC feeling of getting older, which then creates something even BIGGER; getting old. Maybe I’m not ready. Of course I’m not ready. My reaction to birthdays, as of lately;

Meh. 
 
Getting older scares me. I'm no fan of birthdays; maybe its the attention, maybe the idea of getting older, or maybe its the idea of another forced celebration/occasion. Fuck, I can eat cake anytime, any day. I have this theory, this idea that the older I get, the more unattractive/dull/boring I become, which I know is ludicrous and ridiculously untrue. 
My husband's response: 1.) I need to get over myself (its true). 2.) That theory is a lie. 3.) I need to bother someone else with my meaningless problems. Ha! Okay, so maybe he's right in all three aspects, but at the end of the day, how we feel as individuals truly affects our outlook, our mood, our overall justification of life, even if it is meaningless and temporary. Eventually those feelings fade and everything works out. It has to. At the end of the day, we end up thinking "well that wasn't so bad." Then I found this, and everything made sense, and all that ridiculousness drifted away:

Your birthday can be a powerful reminder that, in fact, each and every day is a 'gift' you haven't asked for, and haven't earned, but you have it in your hands to make what you will of it.

Your birthday is an opportunity to remember that being alive is a prerequisite for doing anything, feeling anything, celebrating anything. Your life is the ultimate unsolicited 'gift'. You didn't ask for it. You didn't earn it. Some gifts are hard to accept, and life too can be hard to accept sometimes!


Today was good, no, it was amazing. I visited my past, reflected on my accomplishments and travels and proudly told myself, "You've done good so far." I received encouraging words from my Mom, family and friends. I am glad I make them proud. Along with Re, Autumn, my family and the many friends, people I've come across throughout my 31 years, this is exactly what I needed. So thank you to everyone who took the time to wish me a Happy Birthday. Birthdays are a blessing. 

Thank you.