Lost in Change and Uncertainty.

My optimism and hope is running low. With a mixture of constant up and down contentment, I can't seem to hold still and let things go with the flow, to let things just happen. I am HUGE with remaining in control and planning, and these past few weeks have me feeling lost. I'm not sure what it is, maybe it is the new location, the idea of "where do I fit in, in all of this?" LOST. So many questions clog my brain on a daily basis, so many thoughts and uncertainty. Do I really want to start working soon? and am I really ready to begin the path of an employment search that may result in more rejection than success? Each day I battle with these questions, and the only way to remain calm and collected is spending time with Autumn and Re, running, and sometimes an hour or two by myself will do the trick. I try to keep busy and of course endure every minute with my Autumn Rose, but I am starting to have a limit on spotless cleaning, laundry and home upkeep. I know its not the end of the world, and I know eventually everything will fall into place and slowly but surely; this place will start to feel like home.

Lately, I've been occupied with running, home decor and job searching. I started my half marathon training for the GO! St. Louis Marathon on April 6. I am excited, it is something to look forward to, and it will be my second half marathon. I figure since I have the time, I might as well take advantage of it. I have this amazing image of me, 13.1 miles, finishing at the St. Louis Arch, which in itself, is a beautiful accomplishment.

I think overall,  I just need to soak up this time. I need to remain optimistic. I need to remind myself; everything will indeed fall back into place. At the moment I may feel lost and out of control, but eventually I will find my place in this new change.
Good Night.