Lately.

Lately, there has been a change. 
I still find myself hesitant with this blog, I often find myself trying to maintain a balance of what I want to share, but this is my honesty, this is my lately. By lately, I mean I've seen better days.

I've been up and down. Sometimes I'm content, sometimes I need something different, sometimes I am at my happiest, and then there are times when I am a total mess. I'm not sure if its a mixture of things, or just a down period in my life. I often find myself trying to find the answer, the root of my rollercoaster emotions, and I end up at loss. I aim the blame to myself, hormones, work, and my recent neglect to my health, basically, the problem is ME. I know what created this seed of my mixed up emotions, but of course I'd rather keep that aspect for me to control, analyze and of course fail and start over; a never-ending cycle. When life altering situations occur, there is and will always be a CHANGE, an uncontrollable shift. As much as we want things/life to remain the same, it doesn't and for me, lately, I've felt as though I lost something/someone. I took it pretty hard, and each day I still do. Some days, the battle is easy and other days, a battle I can't seem to win. I remind myself "each day is an attempt to start over, even if you do fail at the end of the day, at least you survived and perhaps get stronger by it." I am often fearful of my emotions, I try to keep my composure and I absolutely despise showing emotion or even crying. I'm not sure why I am that way. Someone recently said to me: Adrienne, you are a person, you have every right to your feelings. Its okay to have/show your feelings. I am forever grateful for this person. That one statement; simple and enlightening and something I think about everyday. By perhaps accepting my feelings instead of analyzing, I may be able to return to my normal self. I'm sorry if this post is everywhere. I figured it may help to write about whats been going on, emotions and such. I mean, everyone has emotions, some can relate. Maybe I am not the only person going through a ping pong of emotions right now. I am a quiet person and sometimes it may seem I have everything put together, but that could not be more false. 

I am not perfect.

Talking has been an extremely helpful relief, especially with the number one person who knows me; Re. I find that as things occur in life, I can always count on Re. I can talk to this man about anything and everything. I believe my only remedy, the absolute cure for whatever it is I am going through, I can find in Re and Autumn. How unbelievably lucky am I!

Today I found myself with a lot of time, comfort and much needed energy to focus on the things I love to do for ME. Perhaps another sign to the beginning of a restoration. I ran 6 miles. Although I haven't been on my normal running regime lately. Running always helps when I encounter difficult life situations. If you get past the typical responses to running;

"when do I stop," "this hurts" "why am I doing this, "who enjoys this,"

you will find the true beauty of running, it's mental meditation. When I run, my mind is non-existant, I never answer my phone, I get lost and no one around me exists. I think about my goals, I think about my problems, I think about trips and family. With the weather cooling down, I hope to have many therapy sessions with the pavement.

Lately, we've been trying to do more, i.e. trips, dates. Something about spontaneity to create a spark in daily routines and schedules. Since all three of us are busy with school and work during the week, its nice to have plans on the weekend. I've shared a few photos of what we've been doing lately; a trip to Nashville, a Flume concert and some planning for upcoming events I am excited about!

Mini Update: Autumn seems to be growing up at a fast rate, a rate I am not willing to keep up with. She is a kindergarten pro and enjoys going to school everyday. She has made some new friends and this past weekend proved to be a social weekend overall; she had a play date/movie night on Friday while Re and I had a concert date, Saturday she went to a birthday party and Sunday, she had her very first friend over. It was strange at first, Re and I felt neglected because we've been her only friends for the past 5 years. Lol....the audacity of her. I tell her on a daily to please stop growing up so fast; friends are being made, teeth are coming loose, words are being spelled. Alot of changes going on, but we could not be more proud. As of right now, our decision to another Jackson addition is nonexistent.